Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
