id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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