addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
