i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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