i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
