just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
