The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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