So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
