you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Mom said you looked used
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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