I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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