I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
