doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
