Don't make out with my wife yet
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
