Your tits are I can't wait for
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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