White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
