Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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