Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
