And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
