I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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