from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
