god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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