Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
