He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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