I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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