i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
