Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
