did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Come on in and take your pants off
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