You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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