cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
