i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
