I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You made out with two different species that night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Randomize