M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
