Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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