hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
