The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
