Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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