worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
