Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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