You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
