oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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