How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
