just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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