Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
