i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
