she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
