I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize