i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
