SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
