just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
