He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
