I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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