So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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