those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
