nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
