I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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