Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
