so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
