think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
