did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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