I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
