So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
