Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
