Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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