I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
