He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
