God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
