While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
