I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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