made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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