I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
