heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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