sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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